It happened. Again. Just like it did with my first. Inevitably someone, somewhere during my child's infant-hood will ask the question-
'What? Are you STILL breastfeeding? You're not giving them formula???'
Those are the words that immediately make me feel so incredibly uncomfortable for feeding my baby. The thing is, I don't particularly enjoy breastfeeding, I just don't. Don't get me wrong, there are parts I enjoy, the cuddling, the nursing faces, but ultimately I just don't enjoy doing it and I am not doing it for my enjoyment. Comments like the above only reinforce some of the negative feelings I have about doing it, it furthers my paranoia about NIP (covered, even), and I just freaking hate it.
So R is now almost exactly 3 months (*Gasp!* Already?) and I have been exclusively breastfeeding him because, simply put, that is what is best and I am able to do it. While my inlaws were here I got pressure to 'supplement' but I admit I was prepared for that. What I was not prepared for was an evening at a friends house (whom I knew was pro-formula) where she asked me-
'Your still doing that? No Similac? Why?'
Awkward moment considering I was sitting in her living room (covered) nursing him right then and would (of course) have to nurse him 3 more times while we were there. She explained that she had tried (briefly) with her first but just didn't like it and didn't even try with her second (There, see, for those of you who think I walk around with my nose in the air hating on those who FF, I actually have friends who are anti-boob!). Here I was nursing (exclusively) at 3 months- MONTHS, and she couldn't believe I was still doing that.
I smiled, said that well, you know, it's what is best and I can do it and you know in 3 more months he'll be starting solids and he won't be doing it so much. However I feel kinda like crap about it still. I feel awkward and uncomfortable. I know (her being one of the sweetest most caring person I know) that she wouldn't intentionally do anything to make me feel that way, that she asked out of genuine bewilderment, and curiosity. I feel, though, that the 'damage' has been done and I don't know how to repair it.
The entire way home that night all I could think about was spending my next 'paycheck' on getting a pump, bottle, and accessories. Nursing in public has always been incredibly difficult for me, and I had actually been feeling incredibly proud of myself for making sure that I was going out to places like the mall, the park, the library, even when I would have to nurse. Now though I know that I will have even more trepidation about stepping out, even though I do so covered. Each glance will bring me to the conclusion of 'I know they must be wondering why I don't just bottle feed, why don't I just give formula, why don't I just pump!', even if all they are doing is looking at the soda machine behind me wondering when a can of soda started costing more then 2 gallons of water.
Yeah, I get into my own head a little to much. I know that this is something I have to strive to overcome, that I can't let it interfere with what I know is best. All I want, is for those people who would ask that innocent little question (or one just like it) to not. Don't ask it. Breast Milk isn't harmful (obviously exceptions apply but I think we all know what they are) and so if you see someone nursing a newborn, or a not so newborn, or a baby who is nursing while eating crackers, or a toddler- really, it's o.k. They are nursing them because it is what is best-period. And that is all you need to know.
Wish them the best, ask how they are doing with it, and offer some support. Please, because breastfeeding even if physically easy (which it may not be) can still be pretty effing hard.
Showing posts with label breastfeeding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breastfeeding. Show all posts
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Breastfeeding- It's A Lot Like Oral Sex, Right?
I think it is important to note that-YES, people have made a comparison between breastfeeding and oral. Of course the person in the link isn't the first person to suggest that, or even remotely the first person to suggest that nursing should be done behind closed doors. Surprisingly enough to me, is the sheer amount of women (non nursing mothers and nursing mothers alike) that have stated (bluntly) that while they 'support breastfeeding there is absolutely no reason why it has to be done in public without a cover'.
Hmmm.... not unless you have a flailing infant who refuses to be covered (period), or have a small child who rips the cover off of mom- right? Or perhaps those people should be forbidden from leaving the house.
But anyways, hearing comments like these for the 2 or so years since I have been a member of CM (during the time that I was bfing or in the 'debate'), has really made me contemplate the duality between sexuality and pure function with our bodies. Take breasts for example. We all know that part of the issue that breastfeeding moms face is the constant bombardment of 'But Breast Are Sexual'. People get freaked out if you breastfeed uncovered, or if (by chance) their child should happen to see a little nipple slip.
On the other hand, bikinis (even for FIVE year olds) are expected to be worn- favored over the one piece in this day and age, push-up water bras, topless 'gentlemens' clubs, wet t-shirt contests, places like hooters,etc., etc,... those are common place every where- expected, welcomed- accepted.
Our society excepts breasts on the condition that they are to be oogled, stared at, and (of course) squeezed, teased, and whatever else you want to do to them in the bedroom. Whether we like it or not, accept it or not- they do have another function (you know the one we hear about over and over and over on here) and that means that they DO have a dual purpose. Fun bags and working bags I suppose.
Now lets take another everyday run of the mill ordinary organ. Lets choose one that is welcomed in this society even though it does indeed have a dual (nay a triple) purpose- Your mouth. See, I think that when that ignorant woman made a comparison between breastfeeding and oral- she was on to something, but only a little off.
Your mouth has two functions that are VERY VERY important. Nourishing, and communicating. We use it to eat (and boy do we eat a LOT! We even have devised very speacial places *resteraunts* to go to to stuff our faces) and we use it to express ourselves. Communication is so important- it really is.
However, like the breast, the mouth has another less appropriate function- purely sexual. That's right. Let me ask you a question (that you can answer to yourself)- In the past week, what have YOU done with your mouth? Chances are you have licked, sucked, or swallowed some part of your Significant Others body. Hey I don't have a problem with it- more power to you! See, your mouth has had waaaaayyy more action then your breasts, haven't they?
In this day and age, there is a good chance that your mouth has made repeated contact directly with your SO's genetalia then your breasts. There is an even better chance that your mouth has been the place where your SO deposited his 'bodily fluids' vs. your boobage. You may have even switched it up a bit and decided to try out giving a 'rim job', and I can practically guarantee that that is an area where your breasts have not been. Let me tell you I could go on and on about the dirty, purely sexual things that your mouth has done- or someone has imagined YOUR mouth doing.
And yet- you probably kissed your child good-bye without hesitation, didn't you? You probably didn't remember to put on your Burqa this morning before you met your friends for your weekly lunch, at the very public, curbside resteraunt. You didnt think twice before smiling ear to ear at the cashier at the store all with the mouth that was literally wrapped around your So's penis the night before- DID YOU?
Sorry, I am blunt, I know. However, think about that. When a mouth ISN'T presented sexually- it isn't sexual. It just isn't. It's out it's public- no one thinks twice about it even though it is far more, incrediblymore sexual then breasts. Even the sexual acts performed with a mouth are far more 'dirtier' then what happens sexually with breasts. If someone were to tell you that the pervert sitting 10 ft away was having a problem because you were eating a Popsicle you wouldn't cover your head, or run inside. It would be HIS problem. HIS, not YOURS. Not every Popsicle eaters out there problem, HIS Problem!
So why, when you see someone doing something that is incredibly NON-sexual do you insist that they NEED to be covered? Listen. It's really o.k. for something to be sexual and yet not. If a mouth is able to do all that incredibly sexual stuff and yet remain in the free and clear- why can't we do that with a body part that is nourishing our infants?
Lets face it- if Islamic women have taught us anything (in an example like this) it is that it is NOT necessary for you to have your mouth uncovered in public. So why ( if we o.k. mouth visibility) not the breast when it is serving its NON sexual purpose?
Hmmm.... not unless you have a flailing infant who refuses to be covered (period), or have a small child who rips the cover off of mom- right? Or perhaps those people should be forbidden from leaving the house.
But anyways, hearing comments like these for the 2 or so years since I have been a member of CM (during the time that I was bfing or in the 'debate'), has really made me contemplate the duality between sexuality and pure function with our bodies. Take breasts for example. We all know that part of the issue that breastfeeding moms face is the constant bombardment of 'But Breast Are Sexual'. People get freaked out if you breastfeed uncovered, or if (by chance) their child should happen to see a little nipple slip.
On the other hand, bikinis (even for FIVE year olds) are expected to be worn- favored over the one piece in this day and age, push-up water bras, topless 'gentlemens' clubs, wet t-shirt contests, places like hooters,etc., etc,... those are common place every where- expected, welcomed- accepted.
Our society excepts breasts on the condition that they are to be oogled, stared at, and (of course) squeezed, teased, and whatever else you want to do to them in the bedroom. Whether we like it or not, accept it or not- they do have another function (you know the one we hear about over and over and over on here) and that means that they DO have a dual purpose. Fun bags and working bags I suppose.
Now lets take another everyday run of the mill ordinary organ. Lets choose one that is welcomed in this society even though it does indeed have a dual (nay a triple) purpose- Your mouth. See, I think that when that ignorant woman made a comparison between breastfeeding and oral- she was on to something, but only a little off.
Your mouth has two functions that are VERY VERY important. Nourishing, and communicating. We use it to eat (and boy do we eat a LOT! We even have devised very speacial places *resteraunts* to go to to stuff our faces) and we use it to express ourselves. Communication is so important- it really is.
However, like the breast, the mouth has another less appropriate function- purely sexual. That's right. Let me ask you a question (that you can answer to yourself)- In the past week, what have YOU done with your mouth? Chances are you have licked, sucked, or swallowed some part of your Significant Others body. Hey I don't have a problem with it- more power to you! See, your mouth has had waaaaayyy more action then your breasts, haven't they?
In this day and age, there is a good chance that your mouth has made repeated contact directly with your SO's genetalia then your breasts. There is an even better chance that your mouth has been the place where your SO deposited his 'bodily fluids' vs. your boobage. You may have even switched it up a bit and decided to try out giving a 'rim job', and I can practically guarantee that that is an area where your breasts have not been. Let me tell you I could go on and on about the dirty, purely sexual things that your mouth has done- or someone has imagined YOUR mouth doing.
And yet- you probably kissed your child good-bye without hesitation, didn't you? You probably didn't remember to put on your Burqa this morning before you met your friends for your weekly lunch, at the very public, curbside resteraunt. You didnt think twice before smiling ear to ear at the cashier at the store all with the mouth that was literally wrapped around your So's penis the night before- DID YOU?
Sorry, I am blunt, I know. However, think about that. When a mouth ISN'T presented sexually- it isn't sexual. It just isn't. It's out it's public- no one thinks twice about it even though it is far more, incrediblymore sexual then breasts. Even the sexual acts performed with a mouth are far more 'dirtier' then what happens sexually with breasts. If someone were to tell you that the pervert sitting 10 ft away was having a problem because you were eating a Popsicle you wouldn't cover your head, or run inside. It would be HIS problem. HIS, not YOURS. Not every Popsicle eaters out there problem, HIS Problem!
So why, when you see someone doing something that is incredibly NON-sexual do you insist that they NEED to be covered? Listen. It's really o.k. for something to be sexual and yet not. If a mouth is able to do all that incredibly sexual stuff and yet remain in the free and clear- why can't we do that with a body part that is nourishing our infants?
Lets face it- if Islamic women have taught us anything (in an example like this) it is that it is NOT necessary for you to have your mouth uncovered in public. So why ( if we o.k. mouth visibility) not the breast when it is serving its NON sexual purpose?
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